Premarital Counseling: 25 Questions for You and Your Partner
As you consider marriage with your partner, there may be lots of questions that come up. However, as a premarital counselor, I find that some couples do not know how to begin. Here's a list of 25 questions that I encourage you to discuss together. Is it everything you need to discuss? Heck, no. But it’s a start.
There will be premarital questions that will be unique to you, your relationship, and your expectations of a marriage. However, the premarital counseling questions listed below will help you and your partner facilitate conversations about the big topics that may cause problems later on in the relationship if you are not clear about your partner’s beliefs or desires.
Premarital counseling gives you a space to get know your significant other on a deeper level and address conflict in a productive way. Couples may make assumptions about what marriage will look like or not look like based on what they saw in their family of origin or in the movies and TV shows they watched. The more conversation you can have around what you and your partner expect the easier it will be to move forward knowing that you are on the same page.
Here are 25 Premarital Counseling Questions to get you started. Of course, I am here for you if you need guidance along the way.
Why do you want to get married?
Why do you want to marry this person?
How do you envision married life?
Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?
Do you have or want to have a budget?
Do we want to merge our money in any way?
Was your family an affectionate one?
Do you have any concerns about spending time with family during the holidays?
What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?
What new traditions or rituals are you excited about creating in our relationship or in the family we create?
Is there a couple whose relationship you emulate? Would they agree to be mentors?
Does one of you have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other's choices?
Do you want to have children? If so, how many children do you want to have?
Are there any milestones you need to complete before you start trying to conceive?
What kind of parent do you think you will be?
What excites you about being in your home together?
Are you comfortable discussing your sexual likes and dislikes?
What are three strengths or gifts or skills that you think you bring to our relationship?
Do you foresee any future struggles over your roles?
How are decisions made in the relationship?
Are minor decisions easier or harder to make than major ones?
What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?
Are you happy with the amount of time you have together?
Your spouse or partner became physically, emotionally or mentally abusive towards you? What would you do
Under what circumstances could you justify divorce?
Did any of these questions resonate with you? Did you have a hard time with one of the topics or Big Issues? Is there a question that you have that’s not on this list? The comment section is always open below.