The Power of Partnership
The word partnership is used in so many ways in our world. We talk of partners for our businesses or projects, but what about at home? Can we tap into the power of partnership to strengthen our romantic relationships?
“Partner” is the default term I use with my couples, since I don’t always know the terms that people prefer. Therefore because it’s used so often, I think we forget about what it means, or the power that it has. Let’s take a step back to remind ourselves of the definition.
According to Miriam-Webster:
Partner
part·ner | \ ˈpärt-nər also ˈpärd- \
1a: one associated with another especially in an action : our military partners throughout the world
b: a person with whom one shares an intimate relationship : one member of a couple
c: either of two persons who dance together
d: one of two or more persons who play together in a game against an opposing side - partners in card games
2: a member of a partnership especially in a business partners in a law firm also : such membership
3: one of the heavy timbers that strengthen a ship's deck to support a mast—usually used in plural
With all of these definitions, it’s not surprising that the term can mean different things to different people. After reading them all, it begs the questions:
Is your spouse or significant other truly your partner?
Do you dance or play together?
Do you talk to and support each other, have shared goals, and trust that your spouse is working toward those goals alongside you?
And given the last (and completely new to me) definition, does your partner fully support you?
In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, both people try to give as much or even a little more than they get. That may bring up ideas of equality and fairness and keeping score. Last year one of my couples introduced me to The 80/80 Marriage by Nate Klemp and Kaley Klemp. The 80/80 Marriage pushes couples beyond the limited idea of “fairness” toward a new model grounded on radical generosity and shared success. A partnership that calls for each partner to contribute 80 percent to build the strongest possible relationship. In my premarital counseling practice, we talk through this in the ‘Roles in the Relationship’ conversation. It really allows couple to consider and discuss their expectations and how they can better be there for their partners.
If you feel disconnected from your spouse or significant other, or would like to deepen the connection you have, maybe it’s time to start thinking about building a partnership. Start small, talking and listening to each other. Actively look for the value in the contribution they make, and cultivate an attitude of respect. These will go a long way toward that goal.
So what can you do?
Here are 4 Tips that will tap into the Power of Partnership!
1. Share the Chores
I know that the word ‘chores’ is usually used to refer to household cleaning and tasks, but don’t forget about all of the ‘emotional’ chores. Think about all of things that need to get done to run your home and the relationship. Sure, cooking and cleaning are a part of this. But so is making doctors appointments and scheduling time with friends. It may help to consider all of the things you’re good at and then make a list of all of things that need to get done. Figure out who is doing what. If you look at the list, is it balanced and fair? Does it matter? Can you offer more through radical generosity?
2. Play Together
Social interaction involved in partner and team sports may add more years to your life than solo exercise. Not only that, but your spouse or significant other can hold you accountable for being active. Whether it be exercise or board games, dance or escape rooms, it’s important to find connection and strategize together.
3. Offer Appreciations
It’s so easy for us to focus on the negative in our lives. Sometimes we forget all of the good. Take some time to consider 3 things you love and appreciate about your partner. And then share them with each other! This will certainly deepen connection and allow you to more easily share your desires and goals.
4. Have a Growth Mindset
I know, I know ‘mindset’ is a huge buzz word these days. However, Dr. Carol Dweck coined the terms fixed mindset and growth mindset in her decades of work. She found that when students believe they can get smarter, they understand that effort makes them stronger. Therefore they put in extra time and attention, and that leads to higher achievement. The same can be said for business as well, as business partners try and expand their capacity for income or get more clients. But what happens if you try and grow your relationship? If you put time and energy into the partnership, won’t that lead to greater things for each other?
Do you consider your romantic relationship a true partnership? Why? Or why not? Do any of the tips resonate with you? Anything that I’m missing that would be helpful to share? The comment section below is always open to ask and add. And of course, if I can be helpful in any way as you strengthen your relationships, please let me know!