Staying Zen before the Wedding: Creating Expectations

Before each and every counseling session, I ask my couples for an agenda of what they may want to cover. Usually they pick one of The Big Issues off the list, but sometimes they go rogue. In a recent counseling session, one of my awesome grooms said that he wanted to discuss and create expectations for the wedding day. I love that he worded it that way. It was open ended allowing him to share what he was thinking. It also created the space to hear how his partner felt. That way they could better plan the intentions of the day.

This particular couple – a lovely pair of grooms – wanted to make sure that they fully enjoyed their wedding day and released all responsibility. They spent months intricately planning their day. So on their Big Day, they wanted to be present and not make any more decisions. It was also very important that they spend their day together. Yes, there would be a pull in separate directions by friends or family. Nevertheless, it was important they came back together to experience most of their day as a married couple – together!

Are these lofty goals? Maybe. But they’re not impossible. Here’s the list we talked through together of how to make it happen!

1. Hire a wedding planner or day of coordinator
Since this couple wanted no responsibility day of, it was imperative they had someone who knew the schedule and could be a few steps ahead. A planner/coordinator is great for helping create and execute all of the plans and will make sure you’re where you’re supposed to be according to the timeline created. Luckily this couple already hired a planner. So, the gents just needed to communicate with the planner that they expected her to take charge, and keep everyone informed and on schedule.

2. Prioritize your Partner
These particular grooms didn’t want to look back at their big day and recount stories that the other didn’t know. For them, they wanted their wedding day to be a joint experience that they could share together. It’s traditional for wedding guests to clink or tap their glasses to encourage the couple to kiss. That’s always a romantic way to reunite with your new spouse! If that sounds fun to you, make sure to encourage a few friends or family members to clink their glasses from time to time! Other couples look forward to be able to call their beloved “husband” or “wife” as it’s new and exciting. Therefore, you may want to seek the other out to be able to check on them and call them by their new role!

Once these grooms both shared what they wanted, it was clear that there were a number of concerns that may cause anxiety on the day. So we brainstormed and came up with a beautiful list of things in order to stay Zen on the wedding day. Some ideas to prepare and anticipate ahead of time are coming soon in Part 2!

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