4 Premarital Counseling Topics

4 Premarital Counseling Topics that you Must Discuss

Getting married is not only a rite of passage, but a truly exciting time in your relationship. You’re on a journey with the love of your life, let’s get you prepared for it!

Of course there are situations or events that can only be handled when they happen. However, there are discussions you can have NOW to better prepare you for the future. Premarital counseling builds a really strong foundation to build your marriage.

There are certain topics that should be discussed during premarital counseling sessions. Some may affect you now, and others may not come into play for a few years to come. 

Here are four particular issues that absolutely must be discussed during premarital counseling. They are finances, intimacy, family and roles in the marriage.

Finances

Issues around finances is one of the top causes for divorce around the world. There are studies galore, but check this article out if you want to know more. Therefore, it’s essential that you spend time during premarital counseling discussing your thoughts and feelings about finances. You could discuss:

— Will you be merging your money in any way? 
— Who will be responsible for paying the bills?
— Will you make financial decisions together?
— What amount of savings will make you feel that you’re secure?
— How do you feel about debt and philanthropy?

Money can be challenging based on family history and if income or expenditures are unbalanced. It’s best to discuss them 

Intimacy

Intimacy can be a topic that’s uncomfortable to discuss but there’s no need for it to be. It’s really healthy to discuss issues around intimacy. For example, in premarital counseling sessions you could discuss:

— What do you do now to build connection and emotional intimacy?
— How frequently do you each desire to be physically intimate?
— How are you going to manage any dry spells (e.g. when one of you doesn’t want to have sexual intimacy)?
— Do you want to be monogamous? 
— How do you view sexual temptation, and how can it be managed?
Even if discussing these things makes you feel uncomfortable, you still need to talk about them. It’s really important that you and your future spouse understand each other’s thoughts and feelings about intimacy. For example, if you’re not aware that a certain kind of behavior during intimacy is triggering for your partner, you may inadvertently create difficulties with intimacy.

Family Relationships

You entered the relationship as individuals with your own history. Therefore, you bring your own traditions and beliefs, biases and rituals with you. Whether or not you decide to raise a family of your own, there’s a good chance that you will have to discuss how each of your families relate to your marriage.

— Do you have any childhood wounds?
— What do you love from your upbringing? And what do you dislike?
— What values and traditions from your upbringing do you want to bring into the marriage?
— Are there any concerns about spending time with family during the holidays you celebrate?
— Are there any couples who you emulate? Would they agree to be mentors?

Roles in the Marriage

There was a time when couples entered into matrimony with very clear ideas about the division of labor. Things are different now. Roles in the Marriage is an important topic for premarital counseling. Here’s where to start.

— What strengths or skills do you bring to the relationship?
— Do you foresee any future struggles over your roles?
— What chores do you handle routinely?
— Are the roles in the relationship balanced and fair?
— Are there any tasks that you would prefer to delegate or hire someone to handle?

Need guidance and an unbiased ear as you discuss these 4 premarital counseling topics? Feel free to post a question in the comments below. Or shoot me an email: hope@perfectunionny.com.