Appreciation and the 5 Love Languages
Sharing some small ways to show appreciation for your partner as we quarantine from home.
Just as all of us were starting to shelter-at-home, Amy Shack Egan of Modern Rebel asked me to join her on Instagram Live to talk 'emotional wellness' in our current crisis. Amy posed 5 questions, but with limited time together, I was only able to offer limited responses. Two weeks ago, I wrote about Respecting Boundaries. Today, I answer the question, "What are small ways to show appreciation for your partner during this time?" However, when I think appreciation, I first think of Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages.
As always, thanks to Amy for inviting me to share my knowledge, as well as the couples who gave me permission to share pieces of their story.
When I started my premarital counseling practice, I usually introduced the Love Languages to my couples. Now, 8 years later, most come to me with some knowledge or already use the vernacular as they talk about what's working in their relationships and what's not. If you're not familiar, and you're curious to know YOUR language, feel free to take this quiz. Of course, have your partner take it, too.
Once you know how your significant other or spouse likes to receive love, you can, in turn, better speak their language(s). Here are some suggestions through the lens of physical distancing and isolation.
1. If your partner appreciates QUALITY TIME, it's important to be INTENTIONAL about dates or time together. Since you're not leaving your homes often, you're going to have to get creative. How can you have a date at home? Can you make your regular evening movie on the couch more special?
2. If ACTS OF SERVICE is your partner's language, what are some things you can do for them? They may be overwhelmed with work, so what can you take off their plate? Ordering food, doing laundry, etc. And if we're working from home, there's a good chance we're making more of a mess. So is it possible to take on more of the chores once in a while?
3. For you PHYSICAL TOUCHers, this one is potentially easier if you're spending more time together. But just like quality time, holding hands during dinner or sitting together on the couch needs to be intentional. I know there are lots of jokes out there about a potential uptick in births 10 months from now. But hopefully having sex is to show your partner how much you love them, and not just out of boredom or obligation.
4. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION can be a little challenging right now since you may feel that since you're with your partner all the time, you've said everything you need to say. Two of my couple have been very successful here in the last week. One of a pair has been leaving notes for other around the house. And another couple who unfortunately live in different cities have found success sending letters to each other! Yeah, remember those?
5. Lastly, RECEIVING GIFTS may prove difficult since most who score high here prefer a small token to show you were thinking about them while apart. Since many of us are limiting our time outside our homes, there is limited opportunities for us to pick something up. So, you may need to get creative here. Making something with materials you already have, or ordering something online to be delivered in the near future.
What are you doing to make sure your partner feels appreciated? Do you have a Love Language tip or story? If you're not feeling loved by your partner, it's your right and responsibility to let them know! Of course, please share any questions or thoughts in the comment section below!