Guest Post: The Case for Embracing Self-Care
October 2021 was a jubilant month for me. An outdoors 50th birthday celebration with family and close friends. Warm temperatures permitting me to swim in open water until the 20th. A full roster of clients during college application season. By early December, though, I noticed a sharp, darker turn in my mood. Fifty turned out to be not-so-fabulous when the cardiologist put me on Crestor. November’s chill had iced my outdoor swimming. Finally, Omicron coincided with a predictable-but-still-disappointing drop in my income to create a wicked winter’s brew of seasonal depression.
Encouraged by a couple of concerned friends to try something new, I joined a gym with a pool. Though I prefer swimming in the Connetquot River, the Great South Bay or the Atlantic Ocean, the pool was better than nothing, I thought. Perhaps immersing myself into the 80-degree water and sinking into a rhythmic crawl or breaststroke for a half-hour, twice a week would brighten my mood.
I also treated myself to six months with a personal trainer. Once a week, this twenty-five-year-old ex-Marine might fight the flab I’d been noticing on my arms and legs. It felt extravagant because I normally don’t spend that kind of money on any kind of “personal assistance.” But I justified the cost by telling myself it was cheaper than the vacations that I wasn’t taking since COVID. And keeping myself strong and healthy might even keep me out of a hospital for breaking a bone, something I’d done several times prior to beginning regular weightlifting at age 40.
By Christmas, I noticed a distinct shift. Though on some days I could barely sit from the sore muscles, my heart felt lighter.
During a year-end planning activity with the lovely owner of this website, Hope Mirlis, I realized that my recent physical activities had gotten me out of the deepest, darkest part of the hole I’d been in. But, my life was still missing a key leavening agent since the start of COVID. (If I’m honest, it’d disappeared for long stretches even in the Before Times.) I’d been living devoid of FUN, especially during the cold weather. As a recovering Type-A personality who loves being outdoors in warm weather, it was often easier to just work through winter. So, in our Yearly Compass exercise, I decided to purposefully dedicate myself to HAVE MORE FUN in 2022, especially right away.
Two days later, I ordered Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, and I was off! Morning pages start my days. Sundays are now Fun-days, filled with crafts, painting, and my Artist’s Dates. I joined a Facebook group, “Two Households in Fair Corona,” that holds live readings of Shakespeare plays every other Saturday night, to exercise my inner thespian, who’d been dormant since 1990. I signed up for an online course in creative writing, something I’d abandoned around the same time. I’m thrilled to report that my December doldrums are in the far rearview mirror. I can’t remember feeling this happy, not just during COVID times, but, like, ever….
The most shocking part of it all is that I’m this happy and single. As a never-married woman, I’d long pined for a fulfilling, monogamous relationship. And while I still would love to have that, I can honestly say that I’m fulfilled without it.
Now, this might be an odd thing to state on a website called “A More Perfect Union.” I get that. But I do think my experience holds some relevance for couples embarking on the road to marriage. Whether it’s aging, a downturn at work, or a global pandemic, we’re all going to experience rough patches. While we can rely on those closest to us for help (just like I listened to my friends’ advice), ultimately, we’re the ones who need to do the lion’s share of taking care of our emotional health. If we’re coupled, such independent self-care is the greatest gift we can give our partner, at Valentine’s Day or anytime of the year. And if we’re single, what’s sexier to a future partner than being happy and fulfilled in one’s own skin?
About the Author, Dominique Padurano, Ph.D., aka Dr. P.
A teacher by training and calling, I help young people achieve their goals as an academic tutor, a test prep coach, and college counselor. At Crimson Coaching, I strive to bring a “heart-centered” appreciation for the “whole child” into my academic coaching so that all students can reach their full potential, whether that’s eventually graduating from community college or from Harvard, where I earned my own Bachelor’s degree. Feel free to learn more about me here or drop me a line if you have a question about your child’s (or your own!) academic journey. Hope to hear from you soon!
