Vendors I Love: PASSION BY KAIT
phot by Jenny Parra
I met Kait at a Tuesdays Together meeting early in 2019. We went around the room and introduced ourselves before working on our Vision Boards for the year. We both looked at each other and knew we needed to connect. Intimacy is one of my Big Issue topics in premarital counseling, however, my genius only goes so far. So, if a couple needs to take a deeper dive into physical and emotional intimacy, I send ‘em to Kait. Without further ado, I’m so excited to shine the spotlight onto Kait Scalisi of Passion by Kait!
What was the path that led you to become a sex educator?
While I didn’t officially start my sex education journey until college, I always was “that friend.” You know, the one whose Barbies had sex, and whose mom everyone came to for dating advice.
When the opportunity to sell sex toys in college arose, I said yes. My beau was working abroad, and I needed both money to visit him, and an adventure to call my own.
For my first sex toy party, 30 or so people packed the common area in a friend’s suite. I had maybe ten products, and knew only the information I’d gleaned from a company-distributed book. In the sales room, people shared their sex stories: the good, bad, and the ugly. While I was honored to hear them, I also felt terrified by how much I didn’t know. I hadn’t expected the fervor, or how desperately people craved the information and products I brought. I began devouring books, blogs, and studies about sex and branched out further into the community.
A few years in, I started to realize the products I sold didn’t align with my values of sustainability and self-care. The lotions and potions contained harmful ingredients, while the toys were made of toxic and porous materials. I limited which products I sold, and explored other ways to bring the then-new concept of “freedom in pleasure” to more people.
That exploration brought me to the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health. Suddenly I found a community of people critically and intersectionality talking about sex, toys, pleasure, and health. I began writing about sex. I took my first counseling clients, and Passion by Kait began.
What excites you about working with couples?
Helping them understand and say YES to their desires while ditching the shame, inadequacy, and expectations of an often sex-negative world. Alchemizing their lived experience and my sexpertise to help them keep the spark alive or fan it into a flame, no matter what life throws their way. Doing so without feeling awkward, twisting themselves into into a pretzel, or spending hours a day on intimacy-building activities. Witnessing the ripple effect that working on their sex life has into other parts of their relationships and their life.
What do you look for in a client?
My clients have strong relationships and are hard workers—they’ve tried a lot already to support themselves, their sex life, and their relationship!—but they still feel stuck. Their sex life isn’t what it used to be, they don’t feel understood, and they aren’t connecting with each other in the same way. As a result, sex is boring, if it’s happening at all. Anytime they try to talk about it, they end up fighting (and nothing changes); and, they aren’t even sure where to start figuring out what they want.
They’re really self-aware, too. That often shows up in the form of blaming themselves. They work on themselves and want to live their best lives. Together, we help them experience their best intimate life.
What is the greatest compliment you’ve ever received?
One of my earliest coaching clients once said, “I have worked with a few mental health therapists in the past, and I never found one that I could truly be open with…You were willing to go as deep and slowly as needed to make sure we dealt with the blocks I had that were keeping me from living a passionate and adventurous life. You have helped me so much!”
What do you desire for your business?
For PbK to be THE go-to platform for sex, intimacy, and pleasure. For us to root deeper into our commitment to #freedominpleasure — the belief that pleasure is your birthright, that it’s drastically undervalued in our society, and that when we allow ourselves to experience and prioritize pleasure in one area of our lives. It opens up the ability to experience pleasure in other areas more freely, as well. For us to support even more people, no matter where they are on their journey, from wanting to work on their sex life on their own time through our digital products to looking for 1:1 support through coaching and counseling.
What are you grateful for?
The opportunity to advocate for the revolutionary power of pleasure in big and small ways every single day. The privilege of supporting people to get in tune with their bodies, and discover what brings them pleasure. And then integrating that knowledge into their lives and relationships in ways that are both powerful and practical. I’m also grateful for my clients, my partner, UUism, my accountability buddies, my squad, my pup, and Romancelandia. Also, tea and dark chocolate. I have a lot to be grateful for!
Any recent cause for celebration or victory?
PbK launched THREE new things in Q1! We have two new free resources and a new service. In Conversation Starters for People Who Feel Awkward Talking About Sex, we share 11 opening lines so you can start having open, non-judgmental conversations about sex. In Six Strategies to Fix Failed Conversations About Sex, we share practical and powerful, evidence-based ways to talk about sex openly and without judgment. And our Ask Me Anything sessions, people have the opportunity to spend 30 or 60 minutes picking my brain about anything related to sex, intimacy, or relationships—so they can get answers and start having more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex. So far I’ve helped people who are interested in becoming sex educators, worried about post-partum body changes, and struggling with “marriage bed death.” It’s been incredible.
Wow, you’ve been busy! It’s been quite a journey.
From a childhood interest to college passion, from an adult calling to renewed love, PbK has grown and evolved as I have. Being the CEO of my company has allowed me to share all of the personal knowledge and professional growth I’ve acquired over the years. I’m no longer the sex toy lady—though we do still sell sex toys! Today, PbK is a one-stop portal for all your questions about sex, intimacy, and pleasure. From tuning in to what you want, to navigating whatever holds you back from your desires. I’m biased, but I think CEO is my best role yet.
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