You’re Engaged! Now what?

photo by Cinder & Co.

Your partner asked a very important question - maybe something along the lines of spending the rest of your lives together, and you said YES! Once the initial excitement wears off, and you’ve dabbed your tears of joy, it may be unclear what to do next. You may want to jump straight into wedding planning, start your Pinterest boards and buy wedding magazines. However, I highly recommend a few things first. I guide couples from the “Yes” to the “I Do,” so I suggest you get on the same page with your partner as you prepare for marriage!

Here are some things to consider.

Share the News

The proposal may have been just the two of you and many a photographer. Do you want to keep the news to yourselves for a while? Or do you want to call your immediate family or your besties with the good news? Don’t assume anything. This is a personal choice, and it’s probably best to decide together. If you choose to post a ring selfie on IG, you’d better believe the texts and phone calls are going to start coming in! Do you want that? As a couple, how do you want to announce that you're engaged? And if friends or family were present at the proposal, please let them know if you want them to share with others, or not.

Consider Your Wedding Date

You cannot start planning without a date or at least a general time frame. However there are a number of things to consider as you select one. How much time do you need to plan? Do you prefer to wed in a certain season? Is there a venue or vendor that you HAVE to have? If so, you may want to check their availability first. There may be other life events to plan around - school graduation, birthdays, moving dates, holidays. And of course if you want certain friends or family members, you may want to ask if there are any dates to avoid. Lastly, is there a milestone you need to hit before the wedding? A certain dollar amount saved? Closing on the apartment? Promotion at work? On the schedule of your life events, where does your wedding fit?

Sign up for Premarital Counseling

As a premarital counselor, I am hugely biased. Talking through your expectations of marriage are not only encouraged, but imperative. And if you’re Catholic, precana is required! But even if it’s not required by your priest, rabbi or officiant, it’s smart to take stock and get on the same page with your partner? Do you feel prepared for the journey ahead? Are there discussions you need to have with your partner before you say, "I do?" A premarital counselor can guide conversations that are important to have before marriage. They can also give you tools to be able resolve conflicts, make sure you feel loved and continue to make your relationship a priority.

Discuss your Budget

Ah yes, the dreaded money conversation. However, if it’s easier to start by how you each envision the wedding - start there! Do you want to elope and then gather with a select few? Do you want a destination wedding in Tuscany with as many people who will travel? Sometimes the type of wedding you want will dictate your budget. Other times it’s the guest list. If you have a large family, you may have a large guest list - whether you want to or not. Do you have any money earmarked for your wedding? Do you need to start saving? Are family members contributing in any way? Would you rather elope and safe your money for a downpayment on a house? These are the conversations you need to have. And if there’s expectation from family members, you may need to include them discussion sooner than later.

Celebrate

You’ve probably heard that planning a wedding can be equally exciting and overwhelming. There may also be a rollercoaster of emotions as you prepare for marriage as well. So I say, celebrate often. Do you want to throw an engagement party? Have you scheduled time with your partner? I mean when was the last time you had a date night? Do you want an afternoon with family or friends to honor this special time? Or perhaps you need to treat yourself to a mani/pedi for a little self-care. Celebrations do not need to be huge, they just need to be special for the moment.

As someone who works with couples during their enagement period, I can be a great resource and guide! Do any of these tips resonate with you? If you’re already on the journey, have you found success doing them? Is there something that you recommend that not on this list? The comment section is always open below for questions or suggestions. Congratulations and, go!