GUEST POST: Building Strong Relationships - Time Together & Social Activities
Hey everyone, my buddy Tommy Housworth is special. Not only has he inspired a few blog posts over the last year, he is a writer in his own right. When I decided to do the weeks of building strong relationships, I asked him if he wanted to contribute. Without hesitation, he stepped to the plate. Tommy, you are a zen force. Thank you!
Time Spent Together & Social Activities
I remember reading an advice column once in which a new husband was surprised that his wife was continuing to spend one evening each week with her book club now that they were married. Suffice to say, there are plenty of stories of wives who are similarly disillusioned that their new husbands still want to venture off to watch (insert major sporting event here) with “the guys” each Saturday and/or Sunday.Of course, not all partnerships fall into this pattern. Many newly married couples spend every free moment together, forsaking longtime friends, favorite hobbies, even passions in the name of “us time.”
Either one of these scenarios can lead to resentment even in the best of new marriages. So, it’s important to define what’s important to you early on in the relationship. This means being very honest with one another about what matters to you, and how you feel about the activities that matter most to your partner.In twenty years of marriage, I’ve learned that my wife always welcomes being included in a trip to an Atlanta Braves game, but is fine with me going with “the guys” instead. I’m always on my own when Bruce Springsteen comes to town. The movies? That’s definitely an “us” thing, whenever possible.
We’ve also learned that it’s important to have activities that take us away (yes, away!) from each other now and then. Quite simply, you don’t have to share every experience you love with the love of your life. My wife takes a long weekend every at least once a year with some of her closest girlfriends. I recently spent six days at a Buddhist monastery with Thich Nhat Hanh and 900 other practitioners. It’s a question of what feeds your soul, so that you return to the partnership renewed, replenished, and reconnected.
It almost always comes back to both people feeling secure enough in their marriage - and being open about their needs - to allow for a balance of together time and away time.
Thoughts for Balancing Your Time:
*Find something you love to do together. Do it frequently.
*Find something you do with others that you’d love to share with your partner. It connects you to each other’s friends. If it turns out to not be a fit, be honest and find another interest that might work.
*Find something that is solely yours, not because you’re hiding something, but because to do it alone or with a circle of friends feeds your soul. That nourished soul is then brought back home, and if both partners are engaged in this approach, they’ve got a lot more to offer each other.
*Communicate. If you’re feeling slighted, if after three weeks of your partner’s favorite yoga class you’re miserable, if you need more space, speak up. Use kind, non-defensive language, but speak what is on your heart.
*Grow. Relationships can stagnate when one or both partners feel like they are “in a rut.” This may mean finding a new activity, together or for just yourself from time to time. We are not finite beings, so continue to seek out new social experiences that will help you evolve.Time together. Time with others. Time together with others. Time alone. There’s no magic recipe for how much of each of these you need, but each is necessary, and there is a healthy balance. Finding that balance is the challenge, the adventure, and - hopefully - the fun.
About Tommy:
Tommy Housworth is one of Atlanta’s busier writers and actors. As a writer, Tommy has penned scores of scripts for corporate videos and live productions, usually balancing humor with crucial business messages. Imagine if Tony Robbins and Tom Robbins collaborated on a project. Second City meets Stephen Covey. It’s kind of like that. He’s also written commercials for radio and television, website content, print material, and creative proposals. To find out more visit his business page, www.7course.net.
Housworth is the author of two published books. In 2000, he published “Smirking Into the Abyss”, a collection of satirical pop culture essays and in 2005, “Welcome to Storyville”, an anthology of short stories, was released. His brand spankin’ new collection of short stories “Buddhist Catnaps & Broken-Down Hymns,” is now available at Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com.
Tommy lives in Decatur, GA with his wife and kids. When not working, Tommy can be found playing with the kids, reading, running, meditating, cooking, listening to jazz, watching baseball, or drinking way too much coffee.