Creating Rituals
We are surrounded by ritual. From our morning routine, to the way we prepare a cup of coffee to saying ‘I love you’ to your partner at the end of every day. However, when I speak to my couples about creating rituals, some look at me with fear or doubt. Yes, the definition of 'ritual' comes from a religious place, but it certainly doesn't have to. I mean, look at 2c!
According to Webster’s dictionary:
RITUAL (ˈri-chə-wəl) noun
1: the established form for a ceremony
specifically : the order of words prescribed for a religious ceremony
2a: ritual observance
specifically : a system of rites
b: a ceremonial act or action
c: an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set precise manner
Sure, the idea of rituals certainly takes over my life because I spend a good chunk of time writing and performing wedding ceremonies. Some of you may not see the ring exchange or walking down the aisle as a ritual, but they are. And even with the most informal of ceremonies, just considering these acts ritual adds weight and meaning, and dare I say makes it more special.
Faith may be important to you or it may not be. In any case, I find the need for ritual in the every day. You are more than welcome to take the religion or the solemnity out of creating rituals, especially if that does not resonate with you. If religion is not present in your every day lives, there can still be marking of time or making something special. For example, a few nights ago, I spoke with a colleague about creating a ritual with a candle and some affirmations to finally say farewell to a guy she was dating. I also know of a few friends that have a routine before a run or a workout! And of course, don’t forget Taco Tuesday, and the 7-day sex challenge! Creating rituals, baby!
A few years ago, I wrote a blog post as part of my Weekly Gratitude list about creating a morning ritual. I wanted to start the day with a little structure, so I decided to create a daily routine. I'm proud to say, I've been mostly successful about keeping it up almost 5 years later! Creating a morning ritual allows me to start the day with a good foundation. I am also able to actually complete a series of tasks first thing in the morning, In turn, hopefully am able to continue the trend of productivity throughout the day.
Some things to think about…
Rituals are certainly present around the holiday season. The way families celebrate holidays comes up regularly in premarital counseling sessions. So you may want to ask yourself what are some traditions that are part of the holidays you celebrate? When and how do you perform them? If you don’t have any rituals consider what you may want to add. For example, if you celebrate Christmas, do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? Or should we ring in the New Year with all of our friends or with more reflection at home? If you have a preference, discuss it with your partner or your family.
In order to mark an occasion or honor a change of status consider the rituals attached. There may be a ritual to celebrate the beginning of something or an end to something else. Is there something you need to honor or put a frame around? How about find release or inspiration?
I encourage you to take a moment to consider your needs around holidays, as well as the every day. Would a ritual be helpful to deepen the celebration? Would creating a morning routine be a good start to your day? Feel free to share what works for you in the comments below. And don’t hesitate to reach out if you need help brainstorming about a ritual. I love creating them!