Premarital Counseling: Sex and Intimacy
Just like finances, intimacy may be one of those “taboo” topics in your relationship. In many cultures, it’s not proper to talk about intimacy, and sexual education in the US tends to be awkward and incomplete. Uncomfortable evenings with the school nurse or health teacher in the middle school cafeteria, anyone? Since issues around sex & intimacy is one of the causes for divorce in this country, I find it essential to cover in premarital counseling.
Let’s make this less awkward and start with the larger topic of INTIMACY, shall we?
Intimacy consists of both emotional closeness and sexual connection. In a strong relationship, they are like two sides of the same coin. Sexual connection without emotional openness is not fulfilling for the heart. Emotional connection without sexual expression renders the marriage more like a friendship. It's important to talk about BOTH as you plan for marriage to make sure that sex is satisfying AND you deepen your connection.
As you prepare for marriage, you need to talk about sex & intimacy in the relationship.
Some questions I ask my couples:
What excites you about being at home together?
When do you feel most connected with your partner?
Are you comfortable discussing your sexual likes and dislikes?
Do you want to be monogamous?
Are you satisfied with the frequency of your lovemaking? How do you cope when your desire levels are unmatched?
Why are they important?
Couples who communicate about emotional and physical connection generally have better sex and greater intimacy than those who don’t. Don’t believe me, read this. Having a conversation before marriage can help deepen those discussions once you get married. You cannot have emotional and physical intimacy in a bubble. Your satisfaction depends on sharing your desires and understanding your partner’s needs.
If you find that you haven’t been connecting emotionally, talk about it with your partner. Has your desire for closeness diminished? Are you apprehensive about being vulnerable? If so, why?
Want more sex but you have a full calendar? Then schedule it. That may feel less romantic, but it’s important to set some time aside for physical intimacy. Think it should be spontaneous? In the beginning stages of your relationship this may have been common. However, things change over time and especially through marriage. It’s important to be intentional about making time for sex so that you’re both satisfied. That may mean you are NOT each satisfied in the same way every time!.
If you’re nervous to talk to your partner about these things, you may want to seek out the assistance of a couple’s therapist or premarital counselor.
The comment section is open below to share your thoughts or ask any questions. If you need me to guide you both through a conversation on INTIMACY, please reach out and let me know.