ZEN WEDDINGS: 5 Tips to Ease Wedding Stress
According to a recent survey, 40% of couples said wedding planning was “extremely stressful, while 71% thought it was more nerve-wracking than other major life events, like finding a new job. My oh my, that’s a lot of stress! Especially for a day that's supposed to be full of JOY. Well, I’d love to help you ease that wedding stress! As a wedding officiant and premarital counselor, I know a few things about preparing for marriage. Here are 5 things you can start doing TODAY, to be a Zen Bride or Zen Groom.
Prioritize What Matters to You
Create Boundaries
Keep Courting
Make Time for Self Care
Have Fun with Friends/Family
Prioritize What Matters to You
As you start to plan your wedding, it’s important to sit down with your partner and talk about what’s important. This will allow you to spend time organizing what you value, and in turn, allot money to your budget. Maybe it’s the music, or the food. Perhaps it’s the ceremony or the clothes you wear. We already know that planning your wedding may be overwhelming. And it doesn’t get easier with seeing every option on Instagram or Pinterest. But in all honestly, you don’t need to everything that’s listed on the checklists or timelines in the wedding magazines.
To help keep things in perspective, you need to prioritize the essentials. Figure out the things that are super important to make this not only your dream wedding, but a wedding that feels like YOU. If you refer to your “must have” list over and over during the planning process, you are going to avoid overspending on things and dedicating time to finding vendors you decided from the beginning weren’t that important.
Create Boundaries
Once you know what you both want, it’s easier to communicate that with your families. Dynamics around family relationships tend to cause stress in general, but intensify during the wedding planning process. Therefore it’s imperative that you create boundaries with those that love you the most. This could center around families that want a religious ceremony when you do not, wanting to invite family members that you don’t know well or perhaps having a vision that differs from your friends or family.
In order to create boundaries, it’s important to sit down with them right from the start and talk about your vision for the big day. So many family arguments stem from the lack of communication or just general miscommunication. We tend to assume people’s feelings and intentions, and we let them fester in our minds. Talking it through with that person (or persons) almost always alleviates the stress. I mean, we’re often more aligned than we think.
If your parents or other family members offer to contribute financially, you may need to understand what strings may be attached. You will want to find out their expectations first, so you have the option to politely decline their money.
In any case, getting your families and friends on the same page right from the beginning is the best way to keep your vision safe. And avoid butting heads when you’re in the thick of planning.
Keep Courting
I hear from a lot of couples that wedding planning puts a strain on their relationship. I mean stress is not good for anything, but it definitely intensifies the negative things you may experience day to day. So don’t forget to keep courting! Yes, you are planning a great day that celebrates your love, but it’s ONE day. Remember to consider why you’re marrying each other in the first place. It can help you maintain connection and let go of the frustration because they forgot to return the DJ's call or didn’t research honeymoon hotels.
I highly suggest you continue to do things together. Whether that be things you already like to do together or perhaps something new that will encourage you to learn and grow. Planning date nights (or date days) may be just the thing to encourage romance or just quality time together. And don’t forget it’s more about intention that spending lots of money on expensive dinners or or experiences. A night in — without staring at your devices — may be just what you need to tell your partner how much they are desired.
Make Time for Self Care
We all know that stress leads to physical symptoms like breakouts, reduced sex drive, headaches, changes in appetite and even hair loss! Just like it’s important to have time with your beloved, you need to have time for YOU. Being selfish is not always a bad thing.
However the thing about self-care is that it’s not just something you do when you’re stressed. It’s something you do regularly and preventatively to reduce your reactions to stressful situations. So think about what brings you joy. It may be taking a break and doing something restorative, like a manicure, yoga class or a walk in nature. It could also be something a little more rigorous like going for a run or going ax-throwing. But first and foremost, I encourage you to be fully present while doing so. Not multi-tasking while trying to benefit from caring for yourself.
Have Fun with Friends/Family
Sometimes the best thing for your psyche is to gather your support circle. So, schedule some fun with your friends or family. They probably know what will make you laugh, and help you release your stress. This may be a good time to grab your posse to go dancing or for a pick up basketball game. Pull out your favorite board game or pack food for a picnic in the park. If you are up for it, the conversation may veer towards your wedding planning. Your venting also may encourage those around you to offer to their help or at least ask you what you need. Being able to delegate some of your wedding planning tasks may be super helpful.
Of course, you may want to use this time to clear your head from all things wedding planning. If that’s the case, let your circle know that you are taking a break and are super excited to spend time with them.
Were any of these tips a surprise for you? Are you excited to try any of them out? The comment section is always open to ask or share. Let’s find ease and get ready for marriage!