Choosing My Partner Every Day
In a recent premarital counseling session, I brainstormed ways to build connection and schedule regular date nights with one of my couples. Then the groom turned to me and asked, "How do I make sure that she chooses me every day?"
I thought it was such a smart question because choice gives you not only options, but a sense of action. It’s not sitting back, it’s being proactive. He also took a hand in the responsibility and didn’t put the onus on her. It was not what can she do to choose us, but what can I do to make sure that she is engaged and connected. In essence, what can we BOTH do to prioritize our relationship?
See, smart!
Love and affection are wonderful feelings, but they can fade away pretty quickly if you are not doing anything to keep them going. The secret to a happy relationship and marriage lies in choosing to love each other every day. Early in your relationship, there may have been a desire for you each to call or see the other regularly. Once the newness fades, and you are spending more and more time together, you may take the connection for granted. Especially if you are living and working with each other from home during a global pandemic!
Want to make sure your partner chooses you every day? Here are some tips!
1. Be the Best Version of YOU
When we are in the dating phase we put our best foot forward. We show our best qualities and make an effort to look good and find ways to show interest in our partner. As the relationship deepens we expose more of ourselves. There’s something special about getting vulnerable and deepening trust and connection. However, sometimes we get lazy and stop doing the work on ourselves. Another way to look at it is - are you someone your partner wants to choose every day?
What are some action items you can do to be the best version of you? Is that taking care of your physical or mental health? Devoting time to self-care? Working on personal growth?
2. Focus on Each Other DAILY with Intention
We live super busy lives. We’re planning weddings, caring for children and/or working long hours. Are there ways to show your partner he or she is still what matters most to you? Can you create a ritual of spending focused time with each other every day, even briefly?
I’m not talking about a lot of time here. But even 5 minutes at the beginning or end of the day, make a huge difference. Something to make your partner feel seen and heard. And I love the idea of making it a ritual. Saying ‘I love you” before work. Offering a hug and a kiss before bed. Talking about something special from the day. Or sharing a goal or intention for the following day. I think you get the idea!
3. Offer Appreciation
It’s so easy to take your partner for granted, but the truth is — he or she doesn’t HAVE TO do anything for you. So make a point to recognize the small moments every day when you can make your partner feel appreciated. You can certainly incorporate the 5 Love Languages here. So maybe it’s not a verbal ‘thank you,’ unless your partner loves Words of Affirmation. It may wind up as doing a small Act of Service, a caress or quick Physical Touch, offering them a little gift to let them know you’re thinking about them or just sitting beside them on the couch and giving them your time and attention (Receiving Gifts and Quality Time, respectively!)
4. Propose Regular Dates
Okay, okay, I know regular dates are not something we can do every day, however we can certainly prepare. There’s brainstorming, research, asking out, scheduling, prepping and actually going on a date - even if that date is at home. All of these things take time, so why not do a little every day? And just a reminder that dates don’t necessarily have to be at night. If you have more dedicated time during the day, make sure to schedule then!
Is there anything you want to add? Did any of these tips resonate with you? Have you already tried any of them? The comment section below is always open to question or share. And of course, if you need more dedicated assistance, please let me know!